"My, what a Pretty Elephant, is it yours?"

Janis Joplin's quote "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got" while quite ironic given they way she died, still holds true. We are all we've got and if we don't take care of ourselves who will?

I'm sitting here looking forward to what may turn out to be not such a good day, but it's all going to depend on me. Have found myself wishing there were someone who would just swoop in and make everything okay, but the fact of the matter is, that just isn't going to happen. What will and has happened, though, is I feel the love and support of friends and that's a good thing.

Here goes. For years, my life was about everyone else. Taking care of everyone else. Seeing to it that everyone felt they were loved, but the only person who didn't feel it was me. I had to learn. I had to teach myself how to love myself. Even to this day, I can get distracted. Just realized I've been working at a job where I give and give of my energy and soul with little reward. I need to get back, wholeheartedly, to nurturing me. And the thing is, I'm okay with getting back to it and don't feel bad for allowing it to happen because that would just be sabotage leading to self-victimization. I did what I did, because I did it. I chose a path and made decisions along the way that lead me to where I am today. This doesn't mean I don't feel it or hurt a bit or have some angst, but it's not something I want deeply etched on my soul.

What I have learned in life is honesty at the heart level, is the way to go. Whether it be through humor or full-exposure communication, it's the only way to live an authentic life.

I was raised in an environment where nothing was talked about. In the world of recovery, it's known as the "elephant in the middle of the room" everyone sees the dysfunction; there's no way to avoid it, but no one wants to talk about.

As it turns out, I love elephants. It took me a long time to realize I was in elephant denial. Not in denial of seeing the elephant, in elephant denial, because I've usually been the one willing to say, "Oo oo, hey, everybody, look at the elephant".

As it turns out, I'm a really, great, elephant, pointer-outer.

On the one hand, being a really, great, pointer-outer is a good thing, that is, if you're surrounded by other really great pointer-outers or if they're not pointer-outers, they're at the very least, elephant savvy because when you point to the elephant, it's a fun time - everyone's in on the joke, so to speak.

On the other hand, if you're a really, great, pointer-outer and you point the elephant out to non-pointer outers or those who are non-elephant savvy, they scatter like cock roaches when the kitchen light is turned on. Happy, little, in denial, cock roaches seeking to remain in the dark.

It took me awhile to learn everyone was scattering not because of me but because they didn't want to deal with the reality of the situation. In their minds, I was the bad guy. Once I was willing to accept that in order to be the good guy in my own life, I had to sometimes be the bad guy in someone else's, my life changed dramatically ultimately realizing I was better off not having people/situations like that in my life and slowly but surely, one-by-one, they began to disappear.

Today, I feel supported, number one, and number two, I know everything will be okay because everything has been okay in the past. Living in the moment, instead of in the future by worrying about it, makes for an honest, engaged, heartfelt, fulfilling life. Absolutely, there's usually that initial sting that comes from being the "bad" guy; however, loving and taking care of one's self first, leads to loving and caring for others in a more profound, deeper way.

I love all of my elephants from the white one with pink polka dots, to the one with red and purple stripes. Without my elephants, life would be less rich.

What colors are yours?