"The most ancient and natural way to acquire skills and knowledge is by hanging out with someone who's got them - watching, asking, helping". Barbara Sher


My writer friend, Karen, you know, the one whose life I've thus far spared, turned me on to Barbara Sher's book "Wishcraft" (How to get what you really want). It's an amazing, real, no-fluff guide to attaining one's goals.

Over the years, I've learned a lot reading books by Anthony Robbins, Brian Tracy, Gary Zukov and Melody Beattie, among others, having found them incredibly enlightening; I can now add Barbara Sher to the list.


Ms. Sher's advice is pretty straight forward. I especially like chapter two "The Environment That Creates Winners". Without laying blame,she pretty much says the environment we grew up in helps decide whether our lives from the get-go will be winning ones. She offers up a series of questions that are really hard to answer. Well, not exactly hard to answer but definitely hard to hear yourself answer.

With respect to our upbringing, she asks:

1. Were you treated as though you had a unique kind of genius that was loved and respected?
2. Were you told that you could do and be anything you wanted -- and that you'd be loved and admired no matter hat it was?
3. Were you given real help and encouragement in finding out what you wanted to do -- and how to do it?
4. Were you encouraged to explore all your own talents and interests, even if the changed from day to day?
5. Were you allowed to complain when the going got rough, and given sympathy instead of being told to quit?
6. Were you bailed out when you got in over your head -- without reproach?
7. Were you surrounded by winners who were pleased when you won?

Sad as it may seem, I answered no to all of these questions.

At this stage of the game, I lay no blame; however, there was a time in my life when I did. Somewhere in my 30s, I realized I needed to stop blaming my parents for what they lacked and began to understand, like I, they, too, were human and couldn't teach what they didn't know.

Enter the notion of cyclical behavior and how it affects individuals and families. Enter the world of self-care and, guess what?, it's okay!