Wow, talk about making me accountable, geesh! Becoming one's own friend - not an easy thing to do. Lord, I'm 51 and still working on it! Guess that's what makes us human. And just when I think I've got it down - all my demons have been exorcised and all the toxic people have been extracted from my life - darn, if more don't show-up. Luckily, though, age brings wisdom so I'm a little bit quicker on the draw when it comes to spotting those little, demon buggers and thank god because at my age, I also tire more quickly. No, not physically, shit, I feel incredible. Psychologically, emotionally, spiritually it's incredibly draining to beat one's self up and even more so when an outsider steps in and tries to do the same thing.
Anger, frustration, guilt, disapproval of self - don't wanna go there. I used to take it all in. Someone would accuse me of having done something to them - wait, what do I mean "would accuse". I currently have a 13-year-old living inside the body of a 35-year-old co-worker whose made me out to be her anti-Christ. Believe me, not a good decision on her part, because I'm over allowing others to make me out to be the problem when the problem is really their low self-esteem and ill mental health. And that's not to say I don't have empathy for this person, because I do. I have a very open heart; I'm just no longer willing to be abused.
A friend. I'm far more willing to be my own friend and in doing so, I can actually be a better "friend" to her if I deflect her psychological and emotional problems tossing them back in her direction, because there's no way she'll ever have to look at them and accept them as her own if I or others are allow ourselves to be accountable for her.
It takes a lot of time and energy to become one's own best friend leaving little time and room to be someone else's anti-Christ.
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