I’ve put a contract out on my friend, Karen. Slow and painful’s not in the budget, had to go sniper.
Karen is my writer friend. She and I meet weekly to discuss where we’re headed in our writing careers. We talk about writing goals we’ve accomplished over the past week and where we’re headed with them in the next. We also talk about “stuff”.
Last week, while discussing “stuff”, Fritos came up. You know Fritos. Those salty, deliciously greasy, corn chips unless they’re of the scooping variety, are pretty much used for nothing other than empty, calorie consumption. Yes, people, those Fritos.
So what does Karen tell me? There’s now a less salty version on the market. Leaning in a little closer; with a deep, inquisitive tone, I said, “There is?”.
You see, I love Fritos and I, mean, I really LOVE Fritos! Don’t eat ‘em much because of the salt. Come to my house for dinner and we’ll both be looking for the salt shaker if you’re in need, because I never use it. Don’t have a “problem” with salt, just don’t really like it all that much unless it’s on potato chips, corn on the cob, French fries, ham flavored Ruffles found in Spain or my, beloved Fritos.
And it’s not altogether just about the Fritos; it’s also about “Beef Ole’”.
Growing up, my mother made “Beef Ole’”. Think of it as a Midwestern, white woman’s, version of taco salad. Not sure what seasoning company produced the little, taste bud enhancing, packet of “Beef Ole’” mix, but they discontinued it a long time ago. Just add a pound of browned, ground beef; serve it up hot over a mound of Fritos; sprinkle on, or mountain ‘er on up with fresh, grated cheddar cheese, tomatoes, onions and lettuce and there you have it “Beef Ole’”.
Seem to recall, when “Beef Ole’” was on the menu, it was pretty much the only time we had fresh vegetables; other than that, they were either canned or frozen - well, except for mashed potatoes, if served up during the week, those were usually freeze-dried, flakes from a box.
Back to the Fritos. On Thursday afternoon, I went in search of them. Karen told me they were a bit hard to find but Albertson’s was the best bet and, BINGO!, wouldn’t you know the first store I went to stocked them…SCORE! I cringed at the $2.99 price for a smallish, sized bag but told myself, HEL-LO!, we’re talkin’ “lightly salted” Fritos here!
Surprisingly enough, the bag made it to the car. Not necessarily unopened, but it did make it. The steering wheel became a bit slick, but I got home safely, and the bag stayed around until sometime Friday. That was a little over a week ago.
Somehow, since then, another two bags found their way to my door and, really, who would do such a thing other than some crazed, glassy-eyed, Frito-aholic?
Oh wait, thanks to my friend, Karen, that would be me!
Here’s hoping the binging will end soon, and then I’ll put “lightly salted” Fritos in the same category as chocolate, covered, peanut butter filled pretzels from Trader Joe’s. Definitely can’t bring them into the house but once a year. Eat the whole frickin’ bag in a day or so. I just chalk it up to feeding a momentary need and then back on track. The mechanics of it all come into play in juggling them there momentary needs, having the ability to spread them out as opposed to letting them all hit at once.
For example, McDonald’s cheeseburger and fries craving, usually hits two or three times a year (worked there in high school); Hagen Dazs or Ben & Jerry’s about the same (flavors fluctuate) and homemade, fried tacos like my mother, the Midwestern, white woman used to make comes around once every year or two.
Lord, if I allowed all of them entre’ into my diet at the same time, I’d be comatose!
Balance.
It’s all about balancing it out and not feeling guilty for having eaten something “bad” when I do choose to go for the gusto. It’s really nothing more than providing myself with just a few of life’s pleasures.
I’m currently Frito-less. It’s been almost 24 hours, and I’m doing okay - no shakes or anything so I’m thinkin’ I’ll be good for at least the next couple of months. I may even call of the sniper…maybe.
Wednesday, March 31, 2010
"Wisdom does not necessarily come with age. Sometimes age shows up all by itself". Tom Wilson
It didn't really dawn on me for awhile, the reason I chose this particular quote, but I just knew it rang a bell - touched something in me. It's only now, like, what? a week later that it hit me.
In life, I have tried to pay attention. Not necessarily in school but definitely in day-to-day life. And, interestingly enough, I have spent a lot of time around people a lot older than I and, believe you me, this quote makes a lot of sense.
Not only is there a great deal to learn from older adults about history, because, HELLO, they lived through it,but there is also a great deal to learn from them with respect to finding our more about ourselves and how to live a joyful life.
Here's the secret. Our life doesn't change unless we take on the responsibility of changing it. Okay, yes, the only thing constant IS change; however, we can either allow change to happen to us, or we can be an active participant in the process.
For example, when comparing my peers with older adults, I learned, once a victim, always a victim. A victim at 22, is a victim at 72, unless the individual questions their own behavior. In other words, takes charge of his or her life by doing some "inner" work facing the challenges of the unknown.
Now, I realize this doesn't come about in a happy go lucky kind of way, because something usually has had to have gone awry in someone's childhood for them to go through life as a victim. Maybe they actually were a victim of child or sexual abuse or maybe they come from a family of victims. Mom and dad weren't happy, in charge of their lives, kinda people so they then passed the same character traits on to their children and so on and so on and so on etcetera, etcetera etcetera.
The key factor, and I repeat the key factor is the willingness of those of us who have "crossed over", so to speak, to talk about and share our experiences and journey creating connections with those who have no clue and, potentially, aren't even aware it could benefit them to be on one. And that's not to say it has to be done in a formal, Power Point presentation way; it's the willingness to be open and vulnerable in-the-moment that has the power to lead onlookers toward professional assistance if need be.
Grateful is the best way for me to describe how I feel about the older individuals in my life who, through their knowledge, determination, strengths and weaknesses, gave me an opportunity to connect and learn about mine where I realized the joy is in the journey!
It didn't really dawn on me for awhile, the reason I chose this particular quote, but I just knew it rang a bell - touched something in me. It's only now, like, what? a week later that it hit me.
In life, I have tried to pay attention. Not necessarily in school but definitely in day-to-day life. And, interestingly enough, I have spent a lot of time around people a lot older than I and, believe you me, this quote makes a lot of sense.
Not only is there a great deal to learn from older adults about history, because, HELLO, they lived through it,but there is also a great deal to learn from them with respect to finding our more about ourselves and how to live a joyful life.
Here's the secret. Our life doesn't change unless we take on the responsibility of changing it. Okay, yes, the only thing constant IS change; however, we can either allow change to happen to us, or we can be an active participant in the process.
For example, when comparing my peers with older adults, I learned, once a victim, always a victim. A victim at 22, is a victim at 72, unless the individual questions their own behavior. In other words, takes charge of his or her life by doing some "inner" work facing the challenges of the unknown.
Now, I realize this doesn't come about in a happy go lucky kind of way, because something usually has had to have gone awry in someone's childhood for them to go through life as a victim. Maybe they actually were a victim of child or sexual abuse or maybe they come from a family of victims. Mom and dad weren't happy, in charge of their lives, kinda people so they then passed the same character traits on to their children and so on and so on and so on etcetera, etcetera etcetera.
The key factor, and I repeat the key factor is the willingness of those of us who have "crossed over", so to speak, to talk about and share our experiences and journey creating connections with those who have no clue and, potentially, aren't even aware it could benefit them to be on one. And that's not to say it has to be done in a formal, Power Point presentation way; it's the willingness to be open and vulnerable in-the-moment that has the power to lead onlookers toward professional assistance if need be.
Grateful is the best way for me to describe how I feel about the older individuals in my life who, through their knowledge, determination, strengths and weaknesses, gave me an opportunity to connect and learn about mine where I realized the joy is in the journey!
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Monday, March 29, 2010
"Love bravely, live bravely, be courageous, there's really nothing to lose. There's no wrong you can't make right again, so be kinder to yourself, you know, have fun, take chances. There are no bounds". Jewel
Word!
And whether or not you believe you're doing this very thing, you are! Funny, but we do a lot of things without really knowing we're actually DOING them. Maybe we risk rejection putting our heart out there, but we do anyway, or we get fed up with a job, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a friend, a roommate or the town or community where we live...the list goes on - frustration and anger are our guide!
Guess what? In doing so, you just chose to love bravely, live bravely, be courageous, took a chance and will more than likely have a lot more fun!
Years ago, when I was still living at home and going to community college, the girlfriend of a friend, someone I'd known a number of years, told me she admired me, because I always did what I wanted to do. I was stunned. I certainly didn't see it that way. What I saw in me, was a young man slipping and sliding his way toward a different life. Didn't feel as though I fit in so I was reaching out grabbing, chasing whatever seemed to make "sense" at the time. To have someone admire me and look up to me for all this craziness, she must certainly be mistaken.
Even to this day, I hear from someone how I have inspired them or made some type of difference in their life in how I've chosen to live mine, and I still find it surprising. Sometimes wish I had maybe been a bit more calculating but all I've done is tried to do is use brain to follow my heart.
Word!
And whether or not you believe you're doing this very thing, you are! Funny, but we do a lot of things without really knowing we're actually DOING them. Maybe we risk rejection putting our heart out there, but we do anyway, or we get fed up with a job, a boyfriend or girlfriend, a friend, a roommate or the town or community where we live...the list goes on - frustration and anger are our guide!
Guess what? In doing so, you just chose to love bravely, live bravely, be courageous, took a chance and will more than likely have a lot more fun!
Years ago, when I was still living at home and going to community college, the girlfriend of a friend, someone I'd known a number of years, told me she admired me, because I always did what I wanted to do. I was stunned. I certainly didn't see it that way. What I saw in me, was a young man slipping and sliding his way toward a different life. Didn't feel as though I fit in so I was reaching out grabbing, chasing whatever seemed to make "sense" at the time. To have someone admire me and look up to me for all this craziness, she must certainly be mistaken.
Even to this day, I hear from someone how I have inspired them or made some type of difference in their life in how I've chosen to live mine, and I still find it surprising. Sometimes wish I had maybe been a bit more calculating but all I've done is tried to do is use brain to follow my heart.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Saturday, March 27, 2010
Friday, March 26, 2010
""Normal" is just a setting on the dryer". Barbara Johnson
But everyone thinks they are when, really, there's no such thing as normal unless you learn normal is as normal does, meaning, one person's "normal" is not another person's "normal". While there may be some similarities in how we live our lives - how we're effected by what goes on in and around our lives - our lives are vastly different, because their unique to who and what we are. Unique in our upbringing, unique in our choices, unique in our minds and hearts.
The confusion about what is "normal" happens, because when we look at our immediate life and surroundings; on the surface, everything looks similar to what other people are doing. Paying rent, owning a home, going to work, grocery shopping, taking a vacation, celebrating holidays, etc... There are usually a fair amount of similarities we can point out in others that help make sense of our own lifestyle leading us to believe we're "normal" but that's "our" normal and like I said, what's normal for us is not necessarily normal for someone else.
Consider this. For many of us, "normal" meant learning how to ride a tricycle before moving on to a two-wheeler or maybe we went on family vacations and had Sunday, night, family dinners and who knows, maybe we can't cook but now that we're adults we've found some way to carry on some type of Sunday, night family tradition. We learned by way of example - our environment provided a part of our education by what we observed, and we carry them forward in our own lives.
Others, though, may not have been so fortunate; their environment may have taught them how to be abused and potentially, how to be an abuser; it may also have taught them how to be a victim or fearful of life or how to be an alcoholic or drug addict.
In my life, where I begin to see a strong disconnect in what people accept and realize as "normal" occurs when people judge the actions or lives of others without realizing for that person, what they're doing in their life IS "normal" based on who they are and how they were raised. Coming to understand what's normal for us may not be normal for another person and opening our hearts and minds to the vast differences between we humans, is compassionate and loving and, really, the only way I've found to get there, is to be compassionate and loving of one's self first.
Fortunate for me, in life, I've had many, excellent teachers, and I don't necessarily mean those in a classroom setting but those who have lead by example or who took time out of their own lives to listen to me and share their experiences providing me with insight and awareness as to how "normal" I am and how my past relates to my future. In other words, they've been understanding, compassionate and loving. I, in turn, hope to give back and do the same for those who cross my path; to do so is really, quite normal.
Better go turn on the dryer.
But everyone thinks they are when, really, there's no such thing as normal unless you learn normal is as normal does, meaning, one person's "normal" is not another person's "normal". While there may be some similarities in how we live our lives - how we're effected by what goes on in and around our lives - our lives are vastly different, because their unique to who and what we are. Unique in our upbringing, unique in our choices, unique in our minds and hearts.
The confusion about what is "normal" happens, because when we look at our immediate life and surroundings; on the surface, everything looks similar to what other people are doing. Paying rent, owning a home, going to work, grocery shopping, taking a vacation, celebrating holidays, etc... There are usually a fair amount of similarities we can point out in others that help make sense of our own lifestyle leading us to believe we're "normal" but that's "our" normal and like I said, what's normal for us is not necessarily normal for someone else.
Consider this. For many of us, "normal" meant learning how to ride a tricycle before moving on to a two-wheeler or maybe we went on family vacations and had Sunday, night, family dinners and who knows, maybe we can't cook but now that we're adults we've found some way to carry on some type of Sunday, night family tradition. We learned by way of example - our environment provided a part of our education by what we observed, and we carry them forward in our own lives.
Others, though, may not have been so fortunate; their environment may have taught them how to be abused and potentially, how to be an abuser; it may also have taught them how to be a victim or fearful of life or how to be an alcoholic or drug addict.
In my life, where I begin to see a strong disconnect in what people accept and realize as "normal" occurs when people judge the actions or lives of others without realizing for that person, what they're doing in their life IS "normal" based on who they are and how they were raised. Coming to understand what's normal for us may not be normal for another person and opening our hearts and minds to the vast differences between we humans, is compassionate and loving and, really, the only way I've found to get there, is to be compassionate and loving of one's self first.
Fortunate for me, in life, I've had many, excellent teachers, and I don't necessarily mean those in a classroom setting but those who have lead by example or who took time out of their own lives to listen to me and share their experiences providing me with insight and awareness as to how "normal" I am and how my past relates to my future. In other words, they've been understanding, compassionate and loving. I, in turn, hope to give back and do the same for those who cross my path; to do so is really, quite normal.
Better go turn on the dryer.
Thursday, March 25, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
"I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better". Plutarch
Who the hell is Plutarch? was the first thing I said to myself when I read this quote. Turns out, according to Wikipedia, he was a Greek biographer, essayist and priest born in 46 AD - not necessarily part of pop culture, but I really liked what he had to say.
I've had a lot of friends over the years; still do. Some are gone by choice, sometimes mine; sometimes theirs, but the thing about that is they're still a friend. Maybe not currently but that doesn't change the fact that for a period of time, we were. Probably won't "re-friend", I don't know, about 10 of them, not because I'm holding on to anger or that I'm bitter, it's just, sometimes, relationships run their course, and we learn what we need to learn from someone and then their time is up.
Plutarch's quote got me to thinkin about my friendships - both old and new . Over the years, what I have sought in friendships has changed. I've gone from being someone who wanted to be surrounded by "yes men" and "yes woman", to someone who wants people around me who have their own ideas, beliefs, thoughts and ways of doing things. I want people who call me out on my life when asked. Why? Because I learn so much more. Have come to find life with "yes" people rather stagnating. Ultimately, having people around who are always saying agreeing with me and not questioning - kissing my butt - is really boring.
For me, life is meant to be lived large and that means doing new things, trying new things, learning new things, meeting new people and exploring both inward and outward adventures, and I find that to pretty much be a solo gig.
Thing is, it's a solo gig for everyone.
Enjoy!
Who the hell is Plutarch? was the first thing I said to myself when I read this quote. Turns out, according to Wikipedia, he was a Greek biographer, essayist and priest born in 46 AD - not necessarily part of pop culture, but I really liked what he had to say.
I've had a lot of friends over the years; still do. Some are gone by choice, sometimes mine; sometimes theirs, but the thing about that is they're still a friend. Maybe not currently but that doesn't change the fact that for a period of time, we were. Probably won't "re-friend", I don't know, about 10 of them, not because I'm holding on to anger or that I'm bitter, it's just, sometimes, relationships run their course, and we learn what we need to learn from someone and then their time is up.
Plutarch's quote got me to thinkin about my friendships - both old and new . Over the years, what I have sought in friendships has changed. I've gone from being someone who wanted to be surrounded by "yes men" and "yes woman", to someone who wants people around me who have their own ideas, beliefs, thoughts and ways of doing things. I want people who call me out on my life when asked. Why? Because I learn so much more. Have come to find life with "yes" people rather stagnating. Ultimately, having people around who are always saying agreeing with me and not questioning - kissing my butt - is really boring.
For me, life is meant to be lived large and that means doing new things, trying new things, learning new things, meeting new people and exploring both inward and outward adventures, and I find that to pretty much be a solo gig.
Thing is, it's a solo gig for everyone.
Enjoy!
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
"I've learned that you shouldn't go through life with a catcher's mitt on both hands; you need to be able to throw something back". Maya Angelou
In other words, don't take a lot of crap! Same holds true for "turn the other cheek". All that means is you keep getting slapped. At some point, we need to stand up for ourselves and say no to injustices against our spirit to avoid having them etched upon our soul.
Speaking from experience, it's hard to know when to walk away especially if we don't feel we've done enough groundwork to make the move a solid one but, sometimes, we just need to take the plunge.
Sadly, I've seen way too many people stay in relationships or work at jobs well beyond their healthy life expectancy who then find themselves part of the walking wounded.
I know it sounds cliche' but life is incredibly short, way too short, to be it's punching bag. Each and everyone of us is worthy of having and living a beautiful life; we just need to learn it and earn it for ourselves.
In other words, don't take a lot of crap! Same holds true for "turn the other cheek". All that means is you keep getting slapped. At some point, we need to stand up for ourselves and say no to injustices against our spirit to avoid having them etched upon our soul.
Speaking from experience, it's hard to know when to walk away especially if we don't feel we've done enough groundwork to make the move a solid one but, sometimes, we just need to take the plunge.
Sadly, I've seen way too many people stay in relationships or work at jobs well beyond their healthy life expectancy who then find themselves part of the walking wounded.
I know it sounds cliche' but life is incredibly short, way too short, to be it's punching bag. Each and everyone of us is worthy of having and living a beautiful life; we just need to learn it and earn it for ourselves.
Monday, March 22, 2010
"In Reality, the most important things happen when you don't look for them". Phil Donahue
Sorta kinda like flying by the seat of your pants and, boy, do I like that! And the first order of business is, of course, flying; it's really hard for things to happen to us if we're just sitting around doing nothing and that's not to say things still won't happen; I just believe life is far more interesting if we're active, engaged participants.
And the really interesting thing about important things happening when we're not looking for them is that on some level we really ARE looking for them but other things were in the way or we were distracted by something else and then all of the sudden BOOM! here comes what we said we wanted a week ago, a year ago or ten years ago. Quite amazing actually.
Growing up, I was infatuated with California from the landscape of cowboy westerns filmed on location, before my time, to the surf and beach movies of the 60's always hoping I would someday live here.
Eventually, I moved to California just a few weeks shy of my 29th birthday. Fast forward to my late thirties, when I sold my condo in Long Beach and bought a house in the mountains north of Los Angeles. I had barely been living there a month when it all of the sudden dawned on me, the landscape was incredibly similar to what I'd seen watching those old westerns on TV. Come to find out, the area was and continues to be used as a major filming location.
Creepy or not so creepy but in a good way and, at the very least, interesting because, really, I wasn't paying attention. I didn't have any sort of master plan or goal to live in the mountains; it just happened given the California real estate market and my inability to afford a home pretty much anywhere else, but it did happen and when I realized it, I was, like, wow, pretty amazing that something I envisioned and dreamed about when I was a kid could come true in such a pure, unforced way and even though I got that moment - recognized it for it's power - I still struggle with the meantime waiting for more and more moments like that to occur looking for them while not looking for them. A little game of cat and mouse.
So, with a little bit of cheese in-hand, I wander through life doing my best to listen to my heart and connect with my soul.
Not a bad way to go.
Sorta kinda like flying by the seat of your pants and, boy, do I like that! And the first order of business is, of course, flying; it's really hard for things to happen to us if we're just sitting around doing nothing and that's not to say things still won't happen; I just believe life is far more interesting if we're active, engaged participants.
And the really interesting thing about important things happening when we're not looking for them is that on some level we really ARE looking for them but other things were in the way or we were distracted by something else and then all of the sudden BOOM! here comes what we said we wanted a week ago, a year ago or ten years ago. Quite amazing actually.
Growing up, I was infatuated with California from the landscape of cowboy westerns filmed on location, before my time, to the surf and beach movies of the 60's always hoping I would someday live here.
Eventually, I moved to California just a few weeks shy of my 29th birthday. Fast forward to my late thirties, when I sold my condo in Long Beach and bought a house in the mountains north of Los Angeles. I had barely been living there a month when it all of the sudden dawned on me, the landscape was incredibly similar to what I'd seen watching those old westerns on TV. Come to find out, the area was and continues to be used as a major filming location.
Creepy or not so creepy but in a good way and, at the very least, interesting because, really, I wasn't paying attention. I didn't have any sort of master plan or goal to live in the mountains; it just happened given the California real estate market and my inability to afford a home pretty much anywhere else, but it did happen and when I realized it, I was, like, wow, pretty amazing that something I envisioned and dreamed about when I was a kid could come true in such a pure, unforced way and even though I got that moment - recognized it for it's power - I still struggle with the meantime waiting for more and more moments like that to occur looking for them while not looking for them. A little game of cat and mouse.
So, with a little bit of cheese in-hand, I wander through life doing my best to listen to my heart and connect with my soul.
Not a bad way to go.
Sunday, March 21, 2010
"We cannot waste time. We can only waste ourselves". George Matthew Adams
Over and over again, in life, I keep hearing about time. How everyone has the same 24 hours or time waits for no one or all we have IS time. I found this particular quote interesting, because it explores time on a much deeper level giving us the responsibility and power over it.
In this instance, time is not our enemy; we are. Yes, we each have the same 24 hours and what are we doing with it? Are we spending it sitting around watching TV or focusing our lives on others or are we out there engaged in our own lives fulfilling it to the end of our wildest dreams?
True, we all need casual time and rest but in the grand scheme of things - the big picture -, are we loving and nurturing enough to ourselves that we're out there living life to its greatest extent with authenticity and passion?
Just this morning, while clicking out of Hotmail, an MSN article entitled "What Happy People Know", caught my attention. Considering myself, for the most part, one of the happy ones, I read the article and found myself reassured by its content.
First on the list, happy people possess body wisdom. No, they're not all doctors or scientists but people who know and listen to their bodies. According to the article's author, Micheal Segell, a common denominator among this group is either some sort of small injury, weight, stress or even shyness issues leading to a more keen sense of physical awareness. These individuals then take the time to learn basic nutrition, exercise and self-healing techniques creating a health and fitness lifestyle that fits their needs.
Second, are the benefits received from physical pleasure whether it be hard work or a healthy sex life.
Third, good health is seen as a moral obligation; they see life as a gift that can be taken away at any time and to live irresponsibly dishonors that gift.
Fourth, they take a hit as a gift turning life's ups and downs into personal empowerment.
I strongly suggest you read the full article. Enjoy!
Here's the link: http://health.msn.com/health-topics/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100252240>1=31036
Over and over again, in life, I keep hearing about time. How everyone has the same 24 hours or time waits for no one or all we have IS time. I found this particular quote interesting, because it explores time on a much deeper level giving us the responsibility and power over it.
In this instance, time is not our enemy; we are. Yes, we each have the same 24 hours and what are we doing with it? Are we spending it sitting around watching TV or focusing our lives on others or are we out there engaged in our own lives fulfilling it to the end of our wildest dreams?
True, we all need casual time and rest but in the grand scheme of things - the big picture -, are we loving and nurturing enough to ourselves that we're out there living life to its greatest extent with authenticity and passion?
Just this morning, while clicking out of Hotmail, an MSN article entitled "What Happy People Know", caught my attention. Considering myself, for the most part, one of the happy ones, I read the article and found myself reassured by its content.
First on the list, happy people possess body wisdom. No, they're not all doctors or scientists but people who know and listen to their bodies. According to the article's author, Micheal Segell, a common denominator among this group is either some sort of small injury, weight, stress or even shyness issues leading to a more keen sense of physical awareness. These individuals then take the time to learn basic nutrition, exercise and self-healing techniques creating a health and fitness lifestyle that fits their needs.
Second, are the benefits received from physical pleasure whether it be hard work or a healthy sex life.
Third, good health is seen as a moral obligation; they see life as a gift that can be taken away at any time and to live irresponsibly dishonors that gift.
Fourth, they take a hit as a gift turning life's ups and downs into personal empowerment.
I strongly suggest you read the full article. Enjoy!
Here's the link: http://health.msn.com/health-topics/articlepage.aspx?cp-documentid=100252240>1=31036
Saturday, March 20, 2010
"Anyone who proposes to do good must not expect people to roll stones out of his way, but must accept his lot calmly if they even roll a few more upon it". Albert Schweitzer
Ah, the byproduct of change, ignorance, anger, resentment and fear, be ready! One person's idea of good can be someone else's pocketbook.
Logically and realistically, we can't be all things to all people or organizations at all times. When it comes to doing good; at some point, we need to make choices based on who we are and what we're hoping to achieve in our individual lives and in doing so, there's this need to be strong and hold steadfast in our convictions.
On my Facebook page, for months, or what may even be coming up on a year, I have been posting a quote a day. Thought I was doing it for my friends, and I was, but I've also ended up getting a lot out of it too. Searching for and then posting the quotes on a daily basis, is very uplifting and thought provoking leading me to resurrect this blog where I share the quotes as well as comment on them DAILY. Okay, well, not daily daily, I sometimes get a few days behind, but I eventually catch up.
The quotes, this blog, my commentary and story telling are my, small attempt to do some good in the world. I would hope people come away from their contact with me, feeling a bit less lonely, and a lot more encouraged and inspired. Silly me, I have this dream of living in an environment where people are less afraid and far more understanding of one another, and I truly believe the only way for people to be more understanding of others, is to be more understanding of themselves. Loving our fellow man, whomever he or she may be, first requires self-love; if we can accomplish that, the path to loving others has been paved. Someday, I hope it's a highway.
Ah, the byproduct of change, ignorance, anger, resentment and fear, be ready! One person's idea of good can be someone else's pocketbook.
Logically and realistically, we can't be all things to all people or organizations at all times. When it comes to doing good; at some point, we need to make choices based on who we are and what we're hoping to achieve in our individual lives and in doing so, there's this need to be strong and hold steadfast in our convictions.
On my Facebook page, for months, or what may even be coming up on a year, I have been posting a quote a day. Thought I was doing it for my friends, and I was, but I've also ended up getting a lot out of it too. Searching for and then posting the quotes on a daily basis, is very uplifting and thought provoking leading me to resurrect this blog where I share the quotes as well as comment on them DAILY. Okay, well, not daily daily, I sometimes get a few days behind, but I eventually catch up.
The quotes, this blog, my commentary and story telling are my, small attempt to do some good in the world. I would hope people come away from their contact with me, feeling a bit less lonely, and a lot more encouraged and inspired. Silly me, I have this dream of living in an environment where people are less afraid and far more understanding of one another, and I truly believe the only way for people to be more understanding of others, is to be more understanding of themselves. Loving our fellow man, whomever he or she may be, first requires self-love; if we can accomplish that, the path to loving others has been paved. Someday, I hope it's a highway.
Friday, March 19, 2010
"Good character is more to be praised than outstanding talent. Most talents are, to some extent, a gift. Good character, by contrast, is not given to us. We have to build it, piece by piece - - by thought, choice, courage and determination". H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
It took me awhile to get a handle on this quote. Obviously, I chose it so it had some sort of meaning or connection for me, but it's taken, like, 4 days to wrap my head around it.
What I've realized is there was some confusion for me on what is good character and what is likable behavior. And by that I mean, if we build character by thought, choice, courage and determination, along the way, we've got to be ruffling a few feathers and in doing that, our we someone of good character?
For me to think of myself as someone of good character, I want to be liked but that doesn't mean I want to be a people pleaser with low self-esteem and self-worth; it means I want to be respected and of value to those around me, because they know I chose what I did at the time, based on the information available to me and in doing so, I chose wisely.
It can be hard to surge forward with our lives knowing our actions could potentially cause undo stress or harm to those we love and that's where my wanting to be liked usually comes into play. To know my actions have that kind of power, and to then makes choices in my life based on how they will affect others, shows good character. They matter. It makes me feel more connected to the world and in some way, I'm doing less harm.
Of course, life's not perfect, and I may, in the long run, unintentionally do things to harm others, but there's something about getting into the game with heart in the right place that makes it all okay. Sometimes, there's just no accounting for some of the twist and turns life brings our way.
Like yoga, character building is a long-term, ever changing process and it's those people in our lives who will reflect back to us our conduct and history and for whom we need be the most grateful.
It took me awhile to get a handle on this quote. Obviously, I chose it so it had some sort of meaning or connection for me, but it's taken, like, 4 days to wrap my head around it.
What I've realized is there was some confusion for me on what is good character and what is likable behavior. And by that I mean, if we build character by thought, choice, courage and determination, along the way, we've got to be ruffling a few feathers and in doing that, our we someone of good character?
For me to think of myself as someone of good character, I want to be liked but that doesn't mean I want to be a people pleaser with low self-esteem and self-worth; it means I want to be respected and of value to those around me, because they know I chose what I did at the time, based on the information available to me and in doing so, I chose wisely.
It can be hard to surge forward with our lives knowing our actions could potentially cause undo stress or harm to those we love and that's where my wanting to be liked usually comes into play. To know my actions have that kind of power, and to then makes choices in my life based on how they will affect others, shows good character. They matter. It makes me feel more connected to the world and in some way, I'm doing less harm.
Of course, life's not perfect, and I may, in the long run, unintentionally do things to harm others, but there's something about getting into the game with heart in the right place that makes it all okay. Sometimes, there's just no accounting for some of the twist and turns life brings our way.
Like yoga, character building is a long-term, ever changing process and it's those people in our lives who will reflect back to us our conduct and history and for whom we need be the most grateful.
Thursday, March 18, 2010
"Whenever I'm caught between two evils, I take the one I've never tried". Mae West
Well, yep, pretty much. God, I love Mae West! What a great line. Regardless of fear, life, for me at least, is all about trying new things and exploring what it has to offer and whether we're in charge of these life-changing events or whether they just come at us, we're still heading into the unknown so why not grab hold of the wheel, make life happen and have fun?
In other words, why be stagnant? Life's gonna change anyway. And while I know taking risks and chances can be incredibly fearful, once passed through, they become life-affirming and dare I say, even life saving.
Playing life safe, to me, is not really living and that's not to say I'm ready to skydive or climb Mt. Everest because that's not really me - not part of my spirit and who I, in particular, am - just not my thing. I'm more so someone who gets his jollies looking inward. An emotional adventurer I guess you could say. I like to challenge what I think and believe about who I am pushing past what I've come to learn and know to see if it is in fact, authentic and truthful to who I say I am and in doing so, I shed a lot of tears, drink a few martinis, eat a few cheeseburgers, run a few miles, laugh a little, write a little and talk A LOT!
As it turns out, it's the writing a little and talking a lot that works for me. Sharing my experiences, connects me with people, and the more connected I become to others, the more connected I become to myself. There's this circle that exists in life and once we find our way to it and get ourselves "in the loop", it's impossible to get back out and that's a good thing; once our heart has given way to others, it takes on a life of it's own. What at one time was selfish, turns into self-love and there is absolutely no way to love one's self and not love others so get on out there, look in the mirror, see who you are, find a new evil, go after it, try it and then when you're past that one, find another one and so on and so on and so on.
Live laugh and love!
Well, yep, pretty much. God, I love Mae West! What a great line. Regardless of fear, life, for me at least, is all about trying new things and exploring what it has to offer and whether we're in charge of these life-changing events or whether they just come at us, we're still heading into the unknown so why not grab hold of the wheel, make life happen and have fun?
In other words, why be stagnant? Life's gonna change anyway. And while I know taking risks and chances can be incredibly fearful, once passed through, they become life-affirming and dare I say, even life saving.
Playing life safe, to me, is not really living and that's not to say I'm ready to skydive or climb Mt. Everest because that's not really me - not part of my spirit and who I, in particular, am - just not my thing. I'm more so someone who gets his jollies looking inward. An emotional adventurer I guess you could say. I like to challenge what I think and believe about who I am pushing past what I've come to learn and know to see if it is in fact, authentic and truthful to who I say I am and in doing so, I shed a lot of tears, drink a few martinis, eat a few cheeseburgers, run a few miles, laugh a little, write a little and talk A LOT!
As it turns out, it's the writing a little and talking a lot that works for me. Sharing my experiences, connects me with people, and the more connected I become to others, the more connected I become to myself. There's this circle that exists in life and once we find our way to it and get ourselves "in the loop", it's impossible to get back out and that's a good thing; once our heart has given way to others, it takes on a life of it's own. What at one time was selfish, turns into self-love and there is absolutely no way to love one's self and not love others so get on out there, look in the mirror, see who you are, find a new evil, go after it, try it and then when you're past that one, find another one and so on and so on and so on.
Live laugh and love!
Wednesday, March 17, 2010
"Make it a habit to tell people thank you. To express your appreciation, sincerely and without the expectation of anything in return. Truly appreciate those around you, and you'll soon find many others around you. Truly appreciate life, and you'll find that you have more of it". Ralph Marston
Admittedly, subscribing to this philosophy, for me, was a tough sell and when I say a tough sell, I MEAN A REALLY TOUGH SELL!.
Having been raised in the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod you are bad, you are evil and you were born with sin environment, it's kinda hard to live life full of vim, vigor and vitality!
Hard to be appreciative, too, and thankful when you feel beaten down, but I got there in, I don't know, 45 years, I think. Not exactly sure when the light bulb went off, but it did. Know for sure, though, it wasn't an early-on epiphany, because, you see, some things in life just take time - they can't be rushed. Life is all about getting an education and not just academically but psychologically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. And when it comes to learning about these things, there's no lesson plan - no real "how to" book - about the only way we can seemingly get through life more or less unscathed, is if we've had an amazing upbringing, and while a lot of people have had one, there are a lot of people who have not and then there are those who think they have but haven't yet figured it out that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't all THAT wonderful. And that's not to say our parents, families or surroundings were abusive, debilitating or harmful, just means it wasn't perfect.
To truly be thankful and appreciative doesn't mean we negate reality; it means we accept it for what it is or was and are grateful for what the situation, person, relationship, environment, etc. brought to our life. Now, maybe we don't feel that way from the get-go but that's where long-term, self-reflection and self-care come into play and having the ability to look back, gives us the ability to look forward, hopefully, with both conviction and heart.
Or, in other words, if we can work at becoming comfortable with our own imperfections, we can become comfortable with those of our parents, siblings, teachers, co-workers, lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc...
It's all about you.
Admittedly, subscribing to this philosophy, for me, was a tough sell and when I say a tough sell, I MEAN A REALLY TOUGH SELL!.
Having been raised in the Lutheran Church Missouri Synod you are bad, you are evil and you were born with sin environment, it's kinda hard to live life full of vim, vigor and vitality!
Hard to be appreciative, too, and thankful when you feel beaten down, but I got there in, I don't know, 45 years, I think. Not exactly sure when the light bulb went off, but it did. Know for sure, though, it wasn't an early-on epiphany, because, you see, some things in life just take time - they can't be rushed. Life is all about getting an education and not just academically but psychologically, emotionally, mentally and spiritually as well. And when it comes to learning about these things, there's no lesson plan - no real "how to" book - about the only way we can seemingly get through life more or less unscathed, is if we've had an amazing upbringing, and while a lot of people have had one, there are a lot of people who have not and then there are those who think they have but haven't yet figured it out that maybe, just maybe, it wasn't all THAT wonderful. And that's not to say our parents, families or surroundings were abusive, debilitating or harmful, just means it wasn't perfect.
To truly be thankful and appreciative doesn't mean we negate reality; it means we accept it for what it is or was and are grateful for what the situation, person, relationship, environment, etc. brought to our life. Now, maybe we don't feel that way from the get-go but that's where long-term, self-reflection and self-care come into play and having the ability to look back, gives us the ability to look forward, hopefully, with both conviction and heart.
Or, in other words, if we can work at becoming comfortable with our own imperfections, we can become comfortable with those of our parents, siblings, teachers, co-workers, lovers, boyfriends, girlfriends, etc...
It's all about you.
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
Tuesday, March 16, 2010
"Be yourself. Everyone else is already taken". Oscar Wilde
I mean, really, ain't that the truth, but the truth is sometimes hard to swallow especially when it comes to feeling comfortable in our own shoes. On the one hand, it's easy to do if we've had a pair for a really, long time, or, like my running shoes, once I find a "gem", I tend to buy the same shoe over and over again until it's discontinued and then when that happens, I go in search of a new style as close as possible to the one that worked so well for sooooooo long because it was dependable and "safe".
While this approach works well for running shoes, it doesn't work so well in life.
If we truly are going to be ourselves, because everyone else is taken, we need to love ourselves, and the only way to really do that is to get to know who we are just like anyone outsider whom we would consider loving. Doing anything less, is more akin to a passing infatuation than real love. Doing research, asking questions, investigating and digging deep whether that be through formal counseling, therapy or by way of self-help books and support groups is a map, really, leading to a more loving self - a more authentic and passionate self.
Is this road...this path to self-discovery, self-appreciation, self-respect and self-love a bumpy one? Absolutely.
In the Amish community, it's called "rumspringa". Teenagers are allowed to explore the world outside their community with all it's debauchery and temptations http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=5195105&page=1; however, should they choose this new lifestyle, their families will turn their backs on them. While this is a philosophy I don't agree with, finding it incredibly harsh and far from loving, it does work as a great example here.
Everyone and I MEAN everyone, needs to do things outside their comfort zone. Why? Because how else do we know if we're doing what we're meant to do and in a place where we're supposed to be. The following not only applies to others but ourselves as well.
"If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was" - Richard Bach. Why would we offer this grace and kindness to others and not apply it to ourselves?
Setting ourselves free, provides an invaluable opportunity to take what we know and compare it to what really is providing us with knowledge and insight assuring us we're doing what we're supposed to be doing and we are where we're supposed to be. In other words, allowing us to be our true and authentic selves.
Don't remember where I heard this, but I'll share it anyway "Sometimes, we need to leave home in order to find it".
So, go ahead, slip on your most comfy shoes and go for a nice, long walk to somewhere you've never been and maybe, just maybe, you'll learn something new about yourself.
Enjoy!
I mean, really, ain't that the truth, but the truth is sometimes hard to swallow especially when it comes to feeling comfortable in our own shoes. On the one hand, it's easy to do if we've had a pair for a really, long time, or, like my running shoes, once I find a "gem", I tend to buy the same shoe over and over again until it's discontinued and then when that happens, I go in search of a new style as close as possible to the one that worked so well for sooooooo long because it was dependable and "safe".
While this approach works well for running shoes, it doesn't work so well in life.
If we truly are going to be ourselves, because everyone else is taken, we need to love ourselves, and the only way to really do that is to get to know who we are just like anyone outsider whom we would consider loving. Doing anything less, is more akin to a passing infatuation than real love. Doing research, asking questions, investigating and digging deep whether that be through formal counseling, therapy or by way of self-help books and support groups is a map, really, leading to a more loving self - a more authentic and passionate self.
Is this road...this path to self-discovery, self-appreciation, self-respect and self-love a bumpy one? Absolutely.
In the Amish community, it's called "rumspringa". Teenagers are allowed to explore the world outside their community with all it's debauchery and temptations http://abcnews.go.com/Primetime/story?id=5195105&page=1; however, should they choose this new lifestyle, their families will turn their backs on them. While this is a philosophy I don't agree with, finding it incredibly harsh and far from loving, it does work as a great example here.
Everyone and I MEAN everyone, needs to do things outside their comfort zone. Why? Because how else do we know if we're doing what we're meant to do and in a place where we're supposed to be. The following not only applies to others but ourselves as well.
"If you love something, set it free; if it comes back it's yours, if it doesn't, it never was" - Richard Bach. Why would we offer this grace and kindness to others and not apply it to ourselves?
Setting ourselves free, provides an invaluable opportunity to take what we know and compare it to what really is providing us with knowledge and insight assuring us we're doing what we're supposed to be doing and we are where we're supposed to be. In other words, allowing us to be our true and authentic selves.
Don't remember where I heard this, but I'll share it anyway "Sometimes, we need to leave home in order to find it".
So, go ahead, slip on your most comfy shoes and go for a nice, long walk to somewhere you've never been and maybe, just maybe, you'll learn something new about yourself.
Enjoy!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
"The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become". Charles Dubois
Stuck. Some of us get stuck. We get caught up in our activities of daily living without realizing we've let go of our goals - the life we envisioned living. This doesn't mean we're a bad person or a loser or someone with low self-esteem or low self-worth, it just means we've been sorta kinda like on a vacation for awhile, taking a break.
Not to worry, it happens to everyone. The laundry, the grocery shopping, work, friends, getting from here to there, family...etc. It's called real life.
The great thing about it is, though, we can incorporate who we are with who we want to be. We always have the possibility of choice and change; it just comes down to how much we're willing to sacrifice in order to get where it is we say we want to go and while sacrificing can sometimes conjure up a great deal of fear, facing that fear and overcoming it, helps us achieve what we want to become.
Lord, I don't know how many times, I've stopped and started and started and stopped and how much fear, I've had to overcome, and it's still here! Each and every day provides the opportunity to try something new - go in a different direction. Just sitting down to write this blog, I'll wonder whether or not the words will come and if so, will they be intelligent, insightful, thoughtful and helpful? I don't know, but I certainly won't know until I sit down at my laptop and give it a try and then when I do, sure enough, the words flow onto the screen and when the words flow onto the screen, I begin to work toward who I want to become. A writer. A writer who has life stories and experiences to share with wishes, desires and goals for the future just like you. It's all about connecting. Connecting with others, to embrace everything life has to offer. The joy and sorrow, pain and hurt, laughter and tears, good times and bad - just living and sharing.
Life is good.
Stuck. Some of us get stuck. We get caught up in our activities of daily living without realizing we've let go of our goals - the life we envisioned living. This doesn't mean we're a bad person or a loser or someone with low self-esteem or low self-worth, it just means we've been sorta kinda like on a vacation for awhile, taking a break.
Not to worry, it happens to everyone. The laundry, the grocery shopping, work, friends, getting from here to there, family...etc. It's called real life.
The great thing about it is, though, we can incorporate who we are with who we want to be. We always have the possibility of choice and change; it just comes down to how much we're willing to sacrifice in order to get where it is we say we want to go and while sacrificing can sometimes conjure up a great deal of fear, facing that fear and overcoming it, helps us achieve what we want to become.
Lord, I don't know how many times, I've stopped and started and started and stopped and how much fear, I've had to overcome, and it's still here! Each and every day provides the opportunity to try something new - go in a different direction. Just sitting down to write this blog, I'll wonder whether or not the words will come and if so, will they be intelligent, insightful, thoughtful and helpful? I don't know, but I certainly won't know until I sit down at my laptop and give it a try and then when I do, sure enough, the words flow onto the screen and when the words flow onto the screen, I begin to work toward who I want to become. A writer. A writer who has life stories and experiences to share with wishes, desires and goals for the future just like you. It's all about connecting. Connecting with others, to embrace everything life has to offer. The joy and sorrow, pain and hurt, laughter and tears, good times and bad - just living and sharing.
Life is good.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Sunday, March 14, 2010
"The thing always happens that you really believe in; and the belief in a thing makes it happen". Frank Lloyd Wright
You can call it willful intent, self-esteem or self-confidence, whatever, but it's so true. In order to get where it is we say we want to go, we need to believe in where we're going. We need to attack it wholeheartedly - wish-washy just doesn't work.Believing something will happen, means we do what we need to do to prepare for it and by preparing for it, we set the intent and belief in making it happen. Have heard it said, "the moment preparation and opportunity meet, is called luck".
If, for example, someone wants to be a musician, kinda hard to do that without learning how to play an instrument and being able to play that instrument means practice. It also means absorbing one's self in music learning it, understanding it and feeling it. Another major factor would be to surround one's self with other musicians fostering an environment of support and encouragement. It's really all about creating the person we want to be and living the life we want to live, and the great thing is, we are free to choose who and what we'll be with the freedom to change who we are and what we're doing on any given day! Amazing...just amazing.
Saturday, March 13, 2010
Saturday, March, 13, 2010
"Snowflakes are one of nature's most fragile things, but just look what they do when they stick together". Verna M. Kelly
I like to think this quote speaks about love, friendship and family in that each one of us, as an individual, is fragile; however, when joined together in a loving environment great things can be accomplished. Truly, no one does it alone. We may come into this world and leave this world alone, but in the meantime, connecting with others and the world around us provides an opportunity to make a difference not only in our own lives but in the lives of others.
I like to think this quote speaks about love, friendship and family in that each one of us, as an individual, is fragile; however, when joined together in a loving environment great things can be accomplished. Truly, no one does it alone. We may come into this world and leave this world alone, but in the meantime, connecting with others and the world around us provides an opportunity to make a difference not only in our own lives but in the lives of others.
Friday, March 12, 2010
Friday, March 12, 2010
"I am of average intelligence. There's nothing special about me. If I can get this far I would be very surprised if you couldn't get at least twice as far.
Fuck them. Keep your blood clean, your body lean, and your mind sharp." (Henry Rollins)
Love this quote - it's a feisty little bugger. Read it on someone's Facebook page. Given it's raw nature, I looked up Henry Rollins - turns out, he's a punk rock/alternative musician, stand-up comedian, spoken-word artist and activist. Didn't surprise me. His to the point message, told me he's a strong and confident individual who takes care of himself while encouraging others to do the same.
Truth be told, we do need to take care of ourselves; no one else is going to do it. And that's not to say we become anti-social or fear getting involved with people or not trust them but like it or not, we are on our own. Even someone who's been married for 50 years, is still on his or her own, because they have made the choice to stay there to maintain and participate in the relationship for that long a period of time. A marriage takes two people; however, each person is entitled to their own opinion and makes their own decisions within that relationship. Someone in an abusive controlling relationship is usually seen as more on his or her own and sadly, may not be aware or feel they can leave; regardless, the choice is still present.
It's all about accountability and level of awareness in one's life. Taking care of one's self first leads to taking care of others and taking care of others links to taking care of the world.
Fuck them. Keep your blood clean, your body lean, and your mind sharp." (Henry Rollins)
Love this quote - it's a feisty little bugger. Read it on someone's Facebook page. Given it's raw nature, I looked up Henry Rollins - turns out, he's a punk rock/alternative musician, stand-up comedian, spoken-word artist and activist. Didn't surprise me. His to the point message, told me he's a strong and confident individual who takes care of himself while encouraging others to do the same.
Truth be told, we do need to take care of ourselves; no one else is going to do it. And that's not to say we become anti-social or fear getting involved with people or not trust them but like it or not, we are on our own. Even someone who's been married for 50 years, is still on his or her own, because they have made the choice to stay there to maintain and participate in the relationship for that long a period of time. A marriage takes two people; however, each person is entitled to their own opinion and makes their own decisions within that relationship. Someone in an abusive controlling relationship is usually seen as more on his or her own and sadly, may not be aware or feel they can leave; regardless, the choice is still present.
It's all about accountability and level of awareness in one's life. Taking care of one's self first leads to taking care of others and taking care of others links to taking care of the world.
Thursday, March 11, 2010
Thursday, March, 11, 2010
"When I dare to be powerful, to use my strength in the service of my vision, then it becomes less and less important whether I am afraid". Audre Lourd
Daring to be powerful, wow, what a concept! Again, for me, this falls into self-love and self-awareness. If I have a vision, something I want to accomplish, the likelihood of it happening when I'm feeling not all that good about myself is rather slim; however, when I feel like I'm at the top of my game, and I have people around me supporting and encouraging me, I feel powerful and less afraid.And what about fear. It, for sure, I believe, is unavoidable. Any time we come across something new, there's bound to be fear, and it doesn't even have to be something largely new; it may just be some sort of a change. Change is inevitable and change can be fearful, but it's up to us as how we respond to something new or a change. We always have that power.
I also believe we need to meet fear head-on and do the very thing we fear. Why? Because it's life-affirming and, like this quote eludes, it's in service of our vision. OUR vision, our very own vision, the one we have for our life and don't tell me you don't have one, because we all do whether or not we're living up to it is another story.
Each and every one of us has the power within to do and be whomever we choose. We can peel through the layers of our childhood dismantling nature vs. nurture, or we can choose to do nothing. Ultimately, it's up to us.
Fear or choice? Be of service to our vision or of service to our history?
While it may take some time for me to come to grips with it, I usually make the choice to service my vision.
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
Wednesday, March, 10, 2010
"Listen, are you breathing just a little and calling it a life?". Mary Oliver
In other words, get a life!
One of the things I see in people that always gives me pause, is their unhappiness. And by that, I don't mean short-term, disgruntled, for-the-time-being unhappiness but overall, long-term, chronic unhappiness that goes on for days, weeks months and even years without analysis or review. There's this shrugging of the shoulders "Oh well, that's just life can't do much about it" approach instead of one filled with hope and joy achieved through self-fulfillment.
There's an acceptance of an inner belief system, telling them they don't deserve more. And by deserving more I don't mean monetary or material rewards; I mean inner joy and happiness brought on my living a rich, full, authentic and passionate life following one's hearts and dreams to all ends.
Too many times I have seen - no, wait, not just seen but find myself continually surrounded by people who are employed for no other reason than to earn money to keep a roof over their head, food on the table and a car in the driveway. And that's not to say we don't all need to take care of ourselves but what I'm saying is those things can be earned and achieved doing something we love to do. Something that nurtures our soul and spirit allowing us to feel joyous and fulfilled on a daily basis. Call me selfish, but I would much rather spend my time on this earth surrounded by people living their dreams than with those who are not, believing the dream seekers lifestyle rubs off on me. Their joy and passion for life is contagious fostering my own.
Here's to living LA VIDA LOCA!
In other words, get a life!
One of the things I see in people that always gives me pause, is their unhappiness. And by that, I don't mean short-term, disgruntled, for-the-time-being unhappiness but overall, long-term, chronic unhappiness that goes on for days, weeks months and even years without analysis or review. There's this shrugging of the shoulders "Oh well, that's just life can't do much about it" approach instead of one filled with hope and joy achieved through self-fulfillment.
There's an acceptance of an inner belief system, telling them they don't deserve more. And by deserving more I don't mean monetary or material rewards; I mean inner joy and happiness brought on my living a rich, full, authentic and passionate life following one's hearts and dreams to all ends.
Too many times I have seen - no, wait, not just seen but find myself continually surrounded by people who are employed for no other reason than to earn money to keep a roof over their head, food on the table and a car in the driveway. And that's not to say we don't all need to take care of ourselves but what I'm saying is those things can be earned and achieved doing something we love to do. Something that nurtures our soul and spirit allowing us to feel joyous and fulfilled on a daily basis. Call me selfish, but I would much rather spend my time on this earth surrounded by people living their dreams than with those who are not, believing the dream seekers lifestyle rubs off on me. Their joy and passion for life is contagious fostering my own.
Here's to living LA VIDA LOCA!
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
Tuesday, March 9, 2010
"If you have love in your life it can make up for a great many things you lack. If you don't have it, no matter what else there is... it's not enough". Ann Landers
Boy, ain't this the truth. Didn't know it; didn't believe it. Thought for a long time, it was all about giving and not receiving. Well, okay, that's a lie. I would give saying I didn't need to receive when what I really wanted was the opposite. Growing up, it appeared to me sacrificing love from others and turning one's cheek was the norm. The older I became started to believe not so much so. It took me a long time to realize what works best in the world is to give love freely with no expectations and then, like magic, it comes back to you. This doesn't mean we allow ourselves to be treated like crap by others, however, it means we come to an awareness of how love and respect for self leads to love and respect for others.
The hard part is coming to terms with loving one's self first; it's true what they say in that we can't love others until we love ourselves. For me, and I think for many others, the thought of loving one's self is foreign. It sounds selfish and conceited; however, it's quite the contrary. If we can get close to our own heart; our own feelings accessing them and understanding what makes us tick - what makes us human, we have a better chance of understanding the feelings and hearts of others connecting to their humanity and in doing so, find, create and, hopefully, maintain loving, supportive relationships.
It's a choice, really, to decide how we want to live our lives. How we want to feel each and every morning when we wake up.
Pretty much, there are two types of people in the world. Givers and takers. If you're a giver, who lacks love for self, you're more than likely surrounded by a bunch of takers who, in the long run, wear you down. Personally, waking up every morning with the heavy weight of others on your back is life shortening.
If and when we arrive at a more self-loving place, it doesn't mean we have scorn, ridicule, blame and contempt for the taker(s) for having done whatever it is they did to us because that would mean we were living life as a victim and not holding ourselves accountable for our own actions; it means we accept the fact that everyone arrives at different places within their own growth and development at different times in their lives because why? We have, along the way, learned to be forgiving and understanding within our own selves for not knowing what we didn't know at the time providing; therefore, the setting and showing the example of how love, forgiveness and understanding for self nourishes our ability to do the same for others.
In theory, sounds simple; however, the journey to self-love for me, at least, has not been an easy one and there are days I fall off the wagon, so to speak, but now that I have love in my life from true friends who nurture, love, encourage and support me, I'm able to get right back up there and move on and when they hit a bump in the road, I respond in kind.
It's really quite joyous knowing I'm loved.
Boy, ain't this the truth. Didn't know it; didn't believe it. Thought for a long time, it was all about giving and not receiving. Well, okay, that's a lie. I would give saying I didn't need to receive when what I really wanted was the opposite. Growing up, it appeared to me sacrificing love from others and turning one's cheek was the norm. The older I became started to believe not so much so. It took me a long time to realize what works best in the world is to give love freely with no expectations and then, like magic, it comes back to you. This doesn't mean we allow ourselves to be treated like crap by others, however, it means we come to an awareness of how love and respect for self leads to love and respect for others.
The hard part is coming to terms with loving one's self first; it's true what they say in that we can't love others until we love ourselves. For me, and I think for many others, the thought of loving one's self is foreign. It sounds selfish and conceited; however, it's quite the contrary. If we can get close to our own heart; our own feelings accessing them and understanding what makes us tick - what makes us human, we have a better chance of understanding the feelings and hearts of others connecting to their humanity and in doing so, find, create and, hopefully, maintain loving, supportive relationships.
It's a choice, really, to decide how we want to live our lives. How we want to feel each and every morning when we wake up.
Pretty much, there are two types of people in the world. Givers and takers. If you're a giver, who lacks love for self, you're more than likely surrounded by a bunch of takers who, in the long run, wear you down. Personally, waking up every morning with the heavy weight of others on your back is life shortening.
If and when we arrive at a more self-loving place, it doesn't mean we have scorn, ridicule, blame and contempt for the taker(s) for having done whatever it is they did to us because that would mean we were living life as a victim and not holding ourselves accountable for our own actions; it means we accept the fact that everyone arrives at different places within their own growth and development at different times in their lives because why? We have, along the way, learned to be forgiving and understanding within our own selves for not knowing what we didn't know at the time providing; therefore, the setting and showing the example of how love, forgiveness and understanding for self nourishes our ability to do the same for others.
In theory, sounds simple; however, the journey to self-love for me, at least, has not been an easy one and there are days I fall off the wagon, so to speak, but now that I have love in my life from true friends who nurture, love, encourage and support me, I'm able to get right back up there and move on and when they hit a bump in the road, I respond in kind.
It's really quite joyous knowing I'm loved.
Monday, March 8, 2010
"Spain on Three Bottles of Wine a Day"
Or was it four? Don't really remember; after the first two, things get kinda fuzzy.
I don't really consider myself a wine drinker but when in Spain, what's a guy to do? First, upon arrival in Barcelona, this guy goes to his favorite martini bar in the world and while this may sound like I've been everywhere, I can assure you I have not; however, I do consider myself fairly "well-traveled" having been in 36 of the 50 states, throughout Europe, to Peru, Dubai and several cities in Canada.
But back to the bar. My favorite martini bar in the world is "Dry Martini" in Barcelona. Why? Because they make great martinis in a vintage atmosphere, where, at any time, I anticipate Humphrey Bogart will saunter on in. The decor is rich with wood walls, great lighting and vibrant art work. The servers, all male, are dressed in white, tuxedo jackets delivering my drink of choice, on a silver tray. Yummy.
On the norm, a great martini, is a hard thing to find in Europe unless you're willing to stay in a very, American hotel in lieu of getting down in there and mingling with the locals and if that be your plan, why travel?, may as well just stay home and check on into a nearby Hilton or Hyatt.
For me, finding a great martini in other parts of the world, is somewhat of a quest. While not on the caliber of an Indian Jones or Laura Croft adventure, it is my, own, little, search for the holy grail.
On more than one occasion, in a full-service bar in Europe - not a pub or wine bar - I have asked for a martini and what came back my way was Martini & Rossi dry vermouth on the rocks. Bitter. At this point, both the drink and I are very bitter.
In keeping with my "I'm not a victim in life" philosophy, after obtaining permission from the bartender, I saunter behind the bar and make my own. It's also at this point, I become a teacher. Anticipating I may pass this way again, more than likely in a day or two, I teach the bartender how to make the "perfect" martini. My best student, Anthony, an Irishmen who, at the time, was part owner of a small, neighborhood bar in the Latin Quarter section of Paris. Thank you, Anthony! Hope you're still shakin' 'em up!
Wine. We still need to talk wine. After getting my martini fix at "Dry Martini", wine became my evening beverage of choice. Well, afternoon AND evening beverage of choice, really, because that's what they do in Spain. Siesta is still a large part of the culture. Most small businesses close, on the norm, between 2 and 5 in the afternoon. What a great time to head back to the hotel for a little wine and nap before heading back out in the early evening, to then return around 8 or so for a little more wine, a shower and then back out the door for dinner at 10, because that's just the way they do it, and I for one, love it!
Fortunate for me, on this, my second trip to Spain, I was traveling with my friend, Micheal, who knows a thing or two about wine. He was purchasing bottles in both large and small markets for anywhere from 2 to 4 Euro (4 to 6 U.S. dollars) that, in the U.S., would cost in the neighborhood of $15. While in Madrid, we went into a full-on wine store where he found an 11.95 Euro bottle that sells for near $50 U.S. At these prices, I succumbed. Wine...good.
In Marbella, along with a knife for cutting cheese and bread, we purchased a couple of wine glasses at what in the U.S., would be a ninety-nine cent store. In the afternoon, upon returning to our hotel, whether in Sevilla; Evora, Portugal; Toledo or Madrid, we would share a bottle of wine while nibbling on amazing cheeses, ham and bread repeating the same process later that evening, add another during dinner and ere go, Spain on 3 bottles of wine a day!
Sadly, the trip only lasted 10 days; however, I anxiously anticipate my return. Maybe not this year but, hopefully, next; I'm sure, by then, my body will be in great need of the detoxifying benefits all that red wine in Spain has to offer!
I don't really consider myself a wine drinker but when in Spain, what's a guy to do? First, upon arrival in Barcelona, this guy goes to his favorite martini bar in the world and while this may sound like I've been everywhere, I can assure you I have not; however, I do consider myself fairly "well-traveled" having been in 36 of the 50 states, throughout Europe, to Peru, Dubai and several cities in Canada.
But back to the bar. My favorite martini bar in the world is "Dry Martini" in Barcelona. Why? Because they make great martinis in a vintage atmosphere, where, at any time, I anticipate Humphrey Bogart will saunter on in. The decor is rich with wood walls, great lighting and vibrant art work. The servers, all male, are dressed in white, tuxedo jackets delivering my drink of choice, on a silver tray. Yummy.
On the norm, a great martini, is a hard thing to find in Europe unless you're willing to stay in a very, American hotel in lieu of getting down in there and mingling with the locals and if that be your plan, why travel?, may as well just stay home and check on into a nearby Hilton or Hyatt.
For me, finding a great martini in other parts of the world, is somewhat of a quest. While not on the caliber of an Indian Jones or Laura Croft adventure, it is my, own, little, search for the holy grail.
On more than one occasion, in a full-service bar in Europe - not a pub or wine bar - I have asked for a martini and what came back my way was Martini & Rossi dry vermouth on the rocks. Bitter. At this point, both the drink and I are very bitter.
In keeping with my "I'm not a victim in life" philosophy, after obtaining permission from the bartender, I saunter behind the bar and make my own. It's also at this point, I become a teacher. Anticipating I may pass this way again, more than likely in a day or two, I teach the bartender how to make the "perfect" martini. My best student, Anthony, an Irishmen who, at the time, was part owner of a small, neighborhood bar in the Latin Quarter section of Paris. Thank you, Anthony! Hope you're still shakin' 'em up!
Wine. We still need to talk wine. After getting my martini fix at "Dry Martini", wine became my evening beverage of choice. Well, afternoon AND evening beverage of choice, really, because that's what they do in Spain. Siesta is still a large part of the culture. Most small businesses close, on the norm, between 2 and 5 in the afternoon. What a great time to head back to the hotel for a little wine and nap before heading back out in the early evening, to then return around 8 or so for a little more wine, a shower and then back out the door for dinner at 10, because that's just the way they do it, and I for one, love it!
Fortunate for me, on this, my second trip to Spain, I was traveling with my friend, Micheal, who knows a thing or two about wine. He was purchasing bottles in both large and small markets for anywhere from 2 to 4 Euro (4 to 6 U.S. dollars) that, in the U.S., would cost in the neighborhood of $15. While in Madrid, we went into a full-on wine store where he found an 11.95 Euro bottle that sells for near $50 U.S. At these prices, I succumbed. Wine...good.
In Marbella, along with a knife for cutting cheese and bread, we purchased a couple of wine glasses at what in the U.S., would be a ninety-nine cent store. In the afternoon, upon returning to our hotel, whether in Sevilla; Evora, Portugal; Toledo or Madrid, we would share a bottle of wine while nibbling on amazing cheeses, ham and bread repeating the same process later that evening, add another during dinner and ere go, Spain on 3 bottles of wine a day!
Sadly, the trip only lasted 10 days; however, I anxiously anticipate my return. Maybe not this year but, hopefully, next; I'm sure, by then, my body will be in great need of the detoxifying benefits all that red wine in Spain has to offer!
Monday, March 8, 2010
"Our fingerprints don't fade from the lives we touch". Anonymous
Well, not really all that anonymous. Heard this quote on Oscar night during a commercial for "Remember Me", a new movie due to be released later this month. "Googled" it, the quote that is, and while I couldn't find an author, I did learn it's been around awhile, meaning, prior to Remember Me's arrival on the scene.
It struck me as one of those quotes that says a whole lot in very, little time. It's to the point, heartfelt and authentic, because it's so true. Once we've touched someone's life or have been touched by theirs, they're ain't no goin' back. Sadly, and I don't mean to burst anyone's bubble; okay, well, maybe just a little, but not every fingerprint that touches our life is necessarily, from the get-go, positive. Sometimes, the most harsh of fingerprints leaves an indelible mark and then it's up to us as to whether or not we allow it to scar.
By now, I'm thinkin' it's quite obvious I'm not someone who chooses to focus on the negative; however, tough, heavy-handed fingerprints, by my estimation, have the ability to bring more meaning and joy to our life than soft, gentle ones, because they require us to examine them more deeply.
Emotionally, physically or sexually abusive environments; loss of a loved one; discrimination or prejudice based on gender, race or sexual orientation and alcohol and or drug dependent family members, friends or significant others to name a few. Our relationships with these types of environments in addition to a variety of others, help shape who we are in the world as well as make the soft, gentle fingerprints all the more special. The ying and yang of life. Kinda hard to know the good from bad, unless we've experienced both.
I've done my fair share of looking at my life, and I did it even though I didn't even know I was doing it. Sounds weird, I know, but somewhere along the way while doing a bit of professional therapy and a whole lot of self-help reading and self-examination, I had an epiphany. I'm in charge and not only am I in charge now, but I was in charge the entire time, but I just wasn't aware of it.
I finally realized I was living life as a victim. I was surviving instead of persevering - big difference.
People always ask me where I get my energy and why am I always so happy. Well, for starters, I'm not ALWAYS happy; I'm human and there are some things in life we have no control over other than how we respond to them, and I usually respond to them by venting, well, okay, talking everyone's ear off so I guess it would be more like purging than venting seeing as how it usually finds its way to the surface rather vomitously; however, it is by way of having the ability to freely express what I'm going through that allows me to be happy and full of energy. Holding-in and holding-back, to me, are toxic physically, psychologically and spiritually.
Which brings me to Disneyland. Sounds like a big twist and turn, I'm sure, but listen' up knowing as a Southern California resident living within twenty minutes or so of Disneyland, I take my life in my hands when I say, Disneyland scares me.
And, no, it's not any of the rides or the ridiculous cost of admission and food and drink once inside the park, but the "Happiest Place on Earth" philosophy. What they're selling is a world free from imperfection and while I understand escapism, I know from experience, there are those who want and believe their lives are supposed to be THAT perfect, but there's no such thing. What they're selling is illusionary and illusionary doesn't equate to authentic.
In real life, trash cans overflow, paint chips, people get sick, people die, people hurt one another, war exists, babies are born, families flourish, the sun shines and the grass grows and that, to me, is perfection believing the Earth would truly be the happiest place if everyone's happiest place was within their own heart and mind.
Well, not really all that anonymous. Heard this quote on Oscar night during a commercial for "Remember Me", a new movie due to be released later this month. "Googled" it, the quote that is, and while I couldn't find an author, I did learn it's been around awhile, meaning, prior to Remember Me's arrival on the scene.
It struck me as one of those quotes that says a whole lot in very, little time. It's to the point, heartfelt and authentic, because it's so true. Once we've touched someone's life or have been touched by theirs, they're ain't no goin' back. Sadly, and I don't mean to burst anyone's bubble; okay, well, maybe just a little, but not every fingerprint that touches our life is necessarily, from the get-go, positive. Sometimes, the most harsh of fingerprints leaves an indelible mark and then it's up to us as to whether or not we allow it to scar.
By now, I'm thinkin' it's quite obvious I'm not someone who chooses to focus on the negative; however, tough, heavy-handed fingerprints, by my estimation, have the ability to bring more meaning and joy to our life than soft, gentle ones, because they require us to examine them more deeply.
Emotionally, physically or sexually abusive environments; loss of a loved one; discrimination or prejudice based on gender, race or sexual orientation and alcohol and or drug dependent family members, friends or significant others to name a few. Our relationships with these types of environments in addition to a variety of others, help shape who we are in the world as well as make the soft, gentle fingerprints all the more special. The ying and yang of life. Kinda hard to know the good from bad, unless we've experienced both.
I've done my fair share of looking at my life, and I did it even though I didn't even know I was doing it. Sounds weird, I know, but somewhere along the way while doing a bit of professional therapy and a whole lot of self-help reading and self-examination, I had an epiphany. I'm in charge and not only am I in charge now, but I was in charge the entire time, but I just wasn't aware of it.
I finally realized I was living life as a victim. I was surviving instead of persevering - big difference.
People always ask me where I get my energy and why am I always so happy. Well, for starters, I'm not ALWAYS happy; I'm human and there are some things in life we have no control over other than how we respond to them, and I usually respond to them by venting, well, okay, talking everyone's ear off so I guess it would be more like purging than venting seeing as how it usually finds its way to the surface rather vomitously; however, it is by way of having the ability to freely express what I'm going through that allows me to be happy and full of energy. Holding-in and holding-back, to me, are toxic physically, psychologically and spiritually.
Which brings me to Disneyland. Sounds like a big twist and turn, I'm sure, but listen' up knowing as a Southern California resident living within twenty minutes or so of Disneyland, I take my life in my hands when I say, Disneyland scares me.
And, no, it's not any of the rides or the ridiculous cost of admission and food and drink once inside the park, but the "Happiest Place on Earth" philosophy. What they're selling is a world free from imperfection and while I understand escapism, I know from experience, there are those who want and believe their lives are supposed to be THAT perfect, but there's no such thing. What they're selling is illusionary and illusionary doesn't equate to authentic.
In real life, trash cans overflow, paint chips, people get sick, people die, people hurt one another, war exists, babies are born, families flourish, the sun shines and the grass grows and that, to me, is perfection believing the Earth would truly be the happiest place if everyone's happiest place was within their own heart and mind.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Sunday, March 7, 2010
(In honor of her Life Time Achievement Oscar this year, I'm re-posting one of my favorite quotes) "In order to survive something, we've had to have been a victim. I prefer to think of myself as someone who has persevered". Lauren Bacall
So, why?, Why is this one of my favorite quotes? Because it's truthful and empowering. Life is filled with ups and downs, great moments, harsh moments - many of them out of our control other than how we respond to them. It's about a mindset. How we choose to see the world. Where we come from on the inside. It's about aligning our spirit and soul into something that's positive and life-affirming.
To be a victim, we must feel less powerful. Feel as though the situation is not in our hands leading to, I believe, a life without passion and joy. Placing our emotional, psychological and spiritual self into the hands of others or the world at large is a way to avoid self-love and sadly, not loving one's self accounts for so much pain and suffering in individual lives culminating in more pain and suffering in the world.
To be a victim, means staying in a relationship or situation that is unhealthy or unsafe whether that be physically, mentally or psychologically. Truly, the healthiest thing we can do is to walk away; however, many of us think staying in the game is the way to go to keep others from getting the best of us. We think leaving makes us look like a quitter, but in reality, by staying, they ARE getting the best of us and to that end, we are a quitter, because we're quitting on ourselves assuring we create a situation where the best of us is unable to shine.
If we're caught up in an environment that leaves us feeling drained, put-upon, hurting, sad, depressed, fearful or anxious, we're allowing ourselves the opportunity to keep from doing and getting where our heart tells us it wants to go. A lovely form of self-sabotage.
To persevere, means we admit to and feel life for all its highs and lows. We understand it will be filled with joyful as well as difficult times. We realize life is ever moving and ever changing as we head forward with a confidence and strength while still recognizing and acknowledging this task may not come easily. It also puts us in charge and personally, I have found people who are in charge of their lives to be the most happy, fulfilled and healthiest both mentally and physically.
Driver's seat. To persevere puts us in the driver's seat as we journey through life seeking love, fulfillment and validation; yes, there will be twists and turns, stops and starts but with our own hands on the wheel and a foot on the pedal, it's up to us to steer and maybe even slam on the brakes.
To be behind the wheel, in charge of one's own destiny, requires self-love and approval and surprisingly enough, once we gain this insight and acceptance, the world becomes a completely different place. To love and approve of one's self, leads to love and approval of others making our own world just a little bit better as well as taking a stab at making the entire world a bit more loving and approving so thank you, Ms. Bacall, for sharing your insight and love.
So, why?, Why is this one of my favorite quotes? Because it's truthful and empowering. Life is filled with ups and downs, great moments, harsh moments - many of them out of our control other than how we respond to them. It's about a mindset. How we choose to see the world. Where we come from on the inside. It's about aligning our spirit and soul into something that's positive and life-affirming.
To be a victim, we must feel less powerful. Feel as though the situation is not in our hands leading to, I believe, a life without passion and joy. Placing our emotional, psychological and spiritual self into the hands of others or the world at large is a way to avoid self-love and sadly, not loving one's self accounts for so much pain and suffering in individual lives culminating in more pain and suffering in the world.
To be a victim, means staying in a relationship or situation that is unhealthy or unsafe whether that be physically, mentally or psychologically. Truly, the healthiest thing we can do is to walk away; however, many of us think staying in the game is the way to go to keep others from getting the best of us. We think leaving makes us look like a quitter, but in reality, by staying, they ARE getting the best of us and to that end, we are a quitter, because we're quitting on ourselves assuring we create a situation where the best of us is unable to shine.
If we're caught up in an environment that leaves us feeling drained, put-upon, hurting, sad, depressed, fearful or anxious, we're allowing ourselves the opportunity to keep from doing and getting where our heart tells us it wants to go. A lovely form of self-sabotage.
To persevere, means we admit to and feel life for all its highs and lows. We understand it will be filled with joyful as well as difficult times. We realize life is ever moving and ever changing as we head forward with a confidence and strength while still recognizing and acknowledging this task may not come easily. It also puts us in charge and personally, I have found people who are in charge of their lives to be the most happy, fulfilled and healthiest both mentally and physically.
Driver's seat. To persevere puts us in the driver's seat as we journey through life seeking love, fulfillment and validation; yes, there will be twists and turns, stops and starts but with our own hands on the wheel and a foot on the pedal, it's up to us to steer and maybe even slam on the brakes.
To be behind the wheel, in charge of one's own destiny, requires self-love and approval and surprisingly enough, once we gain this insight and acceptance, the world becomes a completely different place. To love and approve of one's self, leads to love and approval of others making our own world just a little bit better as well as taking a stab at making the entire world a bit more loving and approving so thank you, Ms. Bacall, for sharing your insight and love.
Saturday, March 6, 2010
Friday, March 5, 2010
Thursday, March 4, 2010
Wednesday, March 3, 2010
Monday, March 1, 2010
"My, what a Pretty Elephant, is it yours?"
Janis Joplin's quote "Don't compromise yourself. You are all you've got" while quite ironic given they way she died, still holds true. We are all we've got and if we don't take care of ourselves who will?
I'm sitting here looking forward to what may turn out to be not such a good day, but it's all going to depend on me. Have found myself wishing there were someone who would just swoop in and make everything okay, but the fact of the matter is, that just isn't going to happen. What will and has happened, though, is I feel the love and support of friends and that's a good thing.
Here goes. For years, my life was about everyone else. Taking care of everyone else. Seeing to it that everyone felt they were loved, but the only person who didn't feel it was me. I had to learn. I had to teach myself how to love myself. Even to this day, I can get distracted. Just realized I've been working at a job where I give and give of my energy and soul with little reward. I need to get back, wholeheartedly, to nurturing me. And the thing is, I'm okay with getting back to it and don't feel bad for allowing it to happen because that would just be sabotage leading to self-victimization. I did what I did, because I did it. I chose a path and made decisions along the way that lead me to where I am today. This doesn't mean I don't feel it or hurt a bit or have some angst, but it's not something I want deeply etched on my soul.
What I have learned in life is honesty at the heart level, is the way to go. Whether it be through humor or full-exposure communication, it's the only way to live an authentic life.
I was raised in an environment where nothing was talked about. In the world of recovery, it's known as the "elephant in the middle of the room" everyone sees the dysfunction; there's no way to avoid it, but no one wants to talk about.
As it turns out, I love elephants. It took me a long time to realize I was in elephant denial. Not in denial of seeing the elephant, in elephant denial, because I've usually been the one willing to say, "Oo oo, hey, everybody, look at the elephant".
As it turns out, I'm a really, great, elephant, pointer-outer.
On the one hand, being a really, great, pointer-outer is a good thing, that is, if you're surrounded by other really great pointer-outers or if they're not pointer-outers, they're at the very least, elephant savvy because when you point to the elephant, it's a fun time - everyone's in on the joke, so to speak.
On the other hand, if you're a really, great, pointer-outer and you point the elephant out to non-pointer outers or those who are non-elephant savvy, they scatter like cock roaches when the kitchen light is turned on. Happy, little, in denial, cock roaches seeking to remain in the dark.
It took me awhile to learn everyone was scattering not because of me but because they didn't want to deal with the reality of the situation. In their minds, I was the bad guy. Once I was willing to accept that in order to be the good guy in my own life, I had to sometimes be the bad guy in someone else's, my life changed dramatically ultimately realizing I was better off not having people/situations like that in my life and slowly but surely, one-by-one, they began to disappear.
Today, I feel supported, number one, and number two, I know everything will be okay because everything has been okay in the past. Living in the moment, instead of in the future by worrying about it, makes for an honest, engaged, heartfelt, fulfilling life. Absolutely, there's usually that initial sting that comes from being the "bad" guy; however, loving and taking care of one's self first, leads to loving and caring for others in a more profound, deeper way.
I love all of my elephants from the white one with pink polka dots, to the one with red and purple stripes. Without my elephants, life would be less rich.
What colors are yours?
I'm sitting here looking forward to what may turn out to be not such a good day, but it's all going to depend on me. Have found myself wishing there were someone who would just swoop in and make everything okay, but the fact of the matter is, that just isn't going to happen. What will and has happened, though, is I feel the love and support of friends and that's a good thing.
Here goes. For years, my life was about everyone else. Taking care of everyone else. Seeing to it that everyone felt they were loved, but the only person who didn't feel it was me. I had to learn. I had to teach myself how to love myself. Even to this day, I can get distracted. Just realized I've been working at a job where I give and give of my energy and soul with little reward. I need to get back, wholeheartedly, to nurturing me. And the thing is, I'm okay with getting back to it and don't feel bad for allowing it to happen because that would just be sabotage leading to self-victimization. I did what I did, because I did it. I chose a path and made decisions along the way that lead me to where I am today. This doesn't mean I don't feel it or hurt a bit or have some angst, but it's not something I want deeply etched on my soul.
What I have learned in life is honesty at the heart level, is the way to go. Whether it be through humor or full-exposure communication, it's the only way to live an authentic life.
I was raised in an environment where nothing was talked about. In the world of recovery, it's known as the "elephant in the middle of the room" everyone sees the dysfunction; there's no way to avoid it, but no one wants to talk about.
As it turns out, I love elephants. It took me a long time to realize I was in elephant denial. Not in denial of seeing the elephant, in elephant denial, because I've usually been the one willing to say, "Oo oo, hey, everybody, look at the elephant".
As it turns out, I'm a really, great, elephant, pointer-outer.
On the one hand, being a really, great, pointer-outer is a good thing, that is, if you're surrounded by other really great pointer-outers or if they're not pointer-outers, they're at the very least, elephant savvy because when you point to the elephant, it's a fun time - everyone's in on the joke, so to speak.
On the other hand, if you're a really, great, pointer-outer and you point the elephant out to non-pointer outers or those who are non-elephant savvy, they scatter like cock roaches when the kitchen light is turned on. Happy, little, in denial, cock roaches seeking to remain in the dark.
It took me awhile to learn everyone was scattering not because of me but because they didn't want to deal with the reality of the situation. In their minds, I was the bad guy. Once I was willing to accept that in order to be the good guy in my own life, I had to sometimes be the bad guy in someone else's, my life changed dramatically ultimately realizing I was better off not having people/situations like that in my life and slowly but surely, one-by-one, they began to disappear.
Today, I feel supported, number one, and number two, I know everything will be okay because everything has been okay in the past. Living in the moment, instead of in the future by worrying about it, makes for an honest, engaged, heartfelt, fulfilling life. Absolutely, there's usually that initial sting that comes from being the "bad" guy; however, loving and taking care of one's self first, leads to loving and caring for others in a more profound, deeper way.
I love all of my elephants from the white one with pink polka dots, to the one with red and purple stripes. Without my elephants, life would be less rich.
What colors are yours?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
