Monday, January 11, 2010

"It's better to be an authentic loser than a false success, and to die alive than to live dead". William Markiewicz

Wow, stumbled upon the above quote this morning, and it jumped off the screen and almost bit me; it says so much in so few words - a technique I have yet to master.

Growing up, I really can't think of any one person who inspired me. The closest I can come is a biology professor, in college, telling me I was very smart but just needed to apply myself more. Imagine that...me smart? Here I was 20 or 21 and for the first time in my life someone told me I was smart. Had I been able to see myself in a mirror in that moment, the look on my face would have been, at the very least, quizzical.

For the most part, I was surrounded by people who, as it now appears to me, were not living their dreams unless you count working at a job as opposed to following one's passion and raising a family and having a house in the suburbs as living the dream. And that's not to say there's anything wrong with that lifestyle, but I question whether it truly was the dream or was it just doing what they believed society and their culture wanted them to do?

Were their lives a false success?

TV. I watched a lot of TV and found myself caught-up in how other people lived their lives. I especially enjoyed prime-time shows like "Bewitched" and "I Dream of Jeannie" or "The Flying Nun", because Samantha and Jeannie had magical powers and Sister Bertrille could FLY!

On Saturday mornings, I liked the Fantastic Four and Ghost Ranger cartoons because they, too, possessed powers - more super-human than magical in this venue, but the good always conquered over evil.

These people - these characters were my inspiration. I now know I was inspired by their power to alter, change and ultimately control their immediate circumstances. Even more so, I admired their having found their gift in life - their purpose. At 51, I'm still looking for mine.

That's not to say I'm unaware of who I am. I do know I'm a smart, funny, compassionate, sincere, caring, fun-loving and at times, dramatic person, who has the ability to connect with a wide variety of people, but I'm still looking for the best venue - best career representation of my soul.

Not that I need any golden or crystal statues, but when I watch any one of the myriad of awards shows filling the airwaves, I find my heartstrings most pulled when I hear someone say, I'm so grateful and extremely fortunate to be able to do what I love to do and get paid for it.

Looking and listening. I'm still here in hopes of one day being able to say the same.

In the interim, I'd much rather be an authentic loser than a false success living my life alive rather than dead feeling every failure and every success, equally, along the way, growing stronger, wiser filled with more love for myself and those around me.

Being alive is good.

"Obstacles are those things you see when you take your eyes off the goal". Hannah More

Wow, ain't that the truth. This one hit me pretty hard. My goal for something, like, forever, has been to write a book or two. Got some great ideas and even have the beginnings of a few chapters down on paper, so to speak, but I totally procrastinate continually finding other things to occupy my writing time, and it's not that those things taking me away from writing are not viable and productive; it's just that I give up allowing them to become obstacles on the road to the goal.

The great thing, however, is that I continually come back to my having run 4 marathons and a whole bunch of half-marathons realizing I'm not a quitter knowing it is possible for me to complete something I started. What seems to be the common denominator in my goal reaching process is believing it's the "right" time for it, all the while knowing there really is no "right" time other than right now. Now is the time and if I'm somehow avoiding a goal allowing myself to be distracted, then there's something I need to be working on to make it happen. I need to get out of my own way and not be the major obstacle to my continued growth and success as a viable entity and contributory human being in this the world I live in.

My, small goal for 2010, is to randomly choose several quotes per week from my Facebook page and post them here on my blog as well as on Facebook in hopes of this turning into a book someday. I would like to invite others along in the process asking you to share your thoughts on what the quote I'm commenting on means to you...why it touched you.

The big goal is creating, sharing and reaching out to others developing a community of thoughtful support and while not anonymous, many of you are strangers to one another and sometimes, in life, strangers make the best teachers.

The big, big goal is turning the results into a book believing, collectively, what we have to say and share will have the power to affect change in the lives of complete strangers. A quote is a quote and they're great things; however, for me, there is nothing greater than personal exposure and the sharing of one's life stories. Where others have been is a great path to the future, and I truly believe hearing what others have to say is a great way to learn about ourselves.

Come along and join my on this journey!

My first triathlon experience as only I can tell it!

Here goes. Friday afternoon I drove over 200 miles to Arroyo Grande, CA just north of Santa Maria. My first stop was Lake Lopez where I picked up my race packet for Saturday morning also getting in a "lay of the land" so to speak.

I then headed over to my friend Skip's in Grover Beach where I spent the night after we had a hearty dinner at the local "Girl's Restaurant". Tri-tip, asparagus, curly fries and a piece of coconut cream pie for dessert.

Fell asleep on my twin-size air mattress around 9; woke up about 2 and played around on my Blackberry until falling back to sleep around 4 waking up to my phone's alarm at 5:30.

Pulled myself together and headed out the door at 6 greeted by a temperature of 46 degrees!

After a 15-minute drive to the lake, I learned if I want to leave before noon (Lord, I hope I'm done by then!), I'll need to park in the lot that's about a mile up the road not the one RIGHT OVER THERE I'd seen the day before.

After hauling my gear, UPHILL, to the transition area, I settled-in and began to chat people up. Just across from me were a husband and wife, roughly my age, who, I learned, have done multiple triathlons. They were very nice and very helpful as where to place my race numbers on my bike helmet and such (the wife and I also discussed due to the outdoor temperature, the lack of available, shirtless, eye candy). Next to me, was a young man who'd previously done one other triathlon. After multiple, little conversations, I determined triathlon folk are good people, and I like them.

Race time for me was 7:45. Still cold, and I have no problem admitting I'm a wuss when it comes to the cold, sans the reason I live in Southern California...HELLO.

Ultimately, getting in the water was going to be a welcome relief as its temperature is warmer (about 68) than the outdoor, air temperature (about 53-55).

Sticking to my plan, I'm near last in the water. I swim forward about 20 feet immediately rolling over on to my back and near immediately lose my yellow, race cap that's been assigned to me. I also near immediately head completely off course veering way over to the left whereupon a young, female, water safety, volunteer in a kayak gets my attention and says to me, swear to god, "Sir, are you in the race today, or just out for a swim?". LMFAO

And do you have any clue how hard it is to say afloat when you're laughing your F'n ass off?

I do believe I was the last male athlete (athlete - I like that word) to leave the water after being passed up by most all of the women as well as a bunch of men and women who'd started a completely different race...AFTER ME!! LMAO

After slipping and sliding my way up the boat launch ramp, I made my way to the transition area where everyone, and I mean EVERYONE had left. Did a yeoman's job of getting out of my wetsuit and on to my bike.

Heading uphill out of the transition area, I see the husband of the couple across from me walking his bike downhill toward with his right leg all scraped up.... because he'd HIT A DEER!

About now, I'm thinkin' losing my race cap ain't all that bad.

The 12-mile bike ride was rather uneventful other than, what else, it was cold. Not only was I wearing wet bike shorts but fog, wind and mist rolled in about 3 miles into it; however, there was a lovely view of Lake Lopez and surrounding hillsides in addition to my fellow triathletes heading back in the opposite direction.

When I got back from the bike ride, there were actually people milling around in the transition area who'd just finished the race. A very nice, young man chatted me up and told me to "Have a nice run - it's scenic with a few hills - enjoy". Again, I like my new, triathlete peeps.

He was right. I enjoyed the run even as I was passed by athletes from the other, longer race who would still finish before me.

After telling a group of teenagers manning a water station not to check out my ass as I passed by, on the return trip, told them, "Look, in the end, the first place finisher and I are covering the same distance. I'm just slower...that's all".

I do believe I was second to the last of males to finish but that's just it - I finished.

What's that quote I posted here on Facebook the other day? Oh, yeah,"When you are content to be simply yourself and don't compare or compete, everybody will respect you". Lao Tzu

Better yet, I respect me.

"After the Emmy's"

You think I'd learn by now not to watch the Emmy's or any other award show for that matter; I always end up feeling like I'm not good enough and at the same time, I end up feeling like I'm in the wrong profession. I hear winners gushing about how fortunate they are to be doing something they love and how they have a passion for it, and I wonder if I've done something wrong - have I somehow missed finding my special talent? Over the years, I've worn a variety of career hats and regardless of what I've been doing, I feel less than.

There are so many things I want to accomplish in life, but I get down on myself for not being passionate enough and easily distracted. Late bloomer would be an understatement.

"Quote of the Day September 21, 2009"

"The greatest good you can do for another is not just share your riches, but to reveal to him, his own."

-Benjamin Disraeli

"Quote of the Day September 19, 2009"

"Life is the art of drawing without an eraser".

John W. Gardner

"Quote of the day September 17, 2009"

"Life is just a chance to grow a soul."

A. Powell Davies