"Hey, Pope, got some weed?"

I've never had sex in public...okay, maybe once, but I was young and there was alcohol involved! I'm not strange, really, I just know a lot of people from different walks of life; therefore, making me more interesting to some...I hope. And it's not about one-upmanship either. To me, life is all about living and living is all about not trying to avoid people, situations or things outside one's comfort zone.

Do I do drugs? No. But I could probably access some with a phone call or two. I totally believe in six degrees of separation referring to the notion that we're only ever six people away from knowing anyone. Wikipedia says, "If a person is one step away from each person they know and two steps away from each person who is known by one of the people they know, then everyone is no more than six "steps" away from each person on Earth", meaning, even the Pope is just six people away from scoring a joint. And if the Pope can score some weed, well then, my having had sex in a public place doesn't look so bad, now, does it?

Fear. I was raised to fear everything including God. What I've come to learn and believe is fear is a double-edged sword. It can be both a good thing, and a bad thing. A good thing if it motivates us and not so good a thing if it stifles our existence. Lucky for me, and not always knowingly, I've used fear as a motivator mostly because, in the moment, I was looking at where I was and staying there was actually more frightening, as it turned out, than moving forward so I would make the choice to move forward having no clue, really, I was taking care of myself. It's only after doing a bit of therapy and watching Oprah, I learned I was of sound mind.

Currently, I've been there; done that as far as Oprah's concerned, but I specifically remember an episode, back in the day, when she had callers. A woman caller talked about how an ex-boyfriend was stalking her. She would change her phone number, job and residence, but he would still find her. Oprah suggested she move out of state, and the woman said, "Why should I have to do that when he's the one...?". Oprah said, "Because you're important enough. You need to do what you need to do to take care of yourself".

It's so true. I am of the belief many people stay in unhealthy places and relationships mostly out of the inability to care for their inner self by way of fear of change and the unknown. I, on the other hand, once recognizing a situation or relationship has gone bad, will, if at all possible, remove myself from said situation; not because I'm a wuss, but because I believe life is short, and I just don't want to spend what time I have on this earth in what I consider to be toxic relationships and environments.

It's my willingness to change, I now suspect, that makes me appear, how shall I say, a bit unusual.

And while I am someone who does not shy away from the unusual, odd or even freakish, I was, at the very least, astounded, when my nephew, Matthew, let me meet his girlfriend, Megan, a la carte. It's not that I suspected she may be odd or freakish; on the contrary, as it turns out, she's quite wonderful but what I like to say is, given who I am and what my family perceives me as being, I felt a bit like a dog being let out in the yard without its leash.

At the time, Matt was living in Chicago while Megan was in the Bay Area attending school. For months, we discussed running the San Francisco 2007 Half-marathon together. Okay, he was 25 at the time, and I was 48 so maybe we wouldn't be running together-together but at least we'd be doing it on the same day in the same year.

Not knowing whether Matt was going to be able to fly out for the weekend or not, I went ahead and registered for the event anyway. In the end, he wasn't able to make it so I figured I would just meet Megan some other time, but I was totally surprised, no, more like blown away, when Matt told me Megan really wanted to meet me, and he was fine with not being there.

Brave boy.

Again, it's not that I see myself as being all that outlandish; I just tend to say what I think. As my friend, George, would say, I don't have much of a filter. Thinking of it in those terms, I guess I, too, can be sorta toxic to the unsuspecting. From what I can tell, a filter gets rid of all the impurities...honesty...creating a clean, wholesome environment. Come to think of it, he's right; if you think about it that way, I am rather toxic. It's not my goal to intentionally hurt anyone; I just wanna state the obvious. I wanna see and talk about the elephant in the middle of the living room.

For those who don't know, the term "elephant in the middle of the living room" makes reference to dysfunctional situations and ignoring the obvious. For example, let's say there's an alcoholic in a family and everyone knows it but no one talks about it. The problem is right there, out in the open, for everyone to see and everyone does see it; however, they pretend it's not there. Alas, it's as big as an elephant, but no one wants to acknowledge it. Think denial.

I don't know. Maybe it was the photo Christmas cards I used to send taken of me in drag posing somewhere like in the galley of a DC10, or as a human Christmas tree; then there was the time I dressed up like Elvis and got behind the counter of my local 7-11. Really, mhm...can't imagine why anyone would worry about my impending behavior. What? Huh?

Or is it that I chose to move away from "home"? First, to San Antonio, Texas for two years (definitely a mistake...Texas, sorry, ewe) and then to California. Or is it because I haven't worked at the same place or done the same job for thirty years? Or is it because I have always chose to look outside myself toward the world and others ultimately learning just as much about me, if not more, than the world itself?

I don't like the term black sheep of the family due to the negativity, but I'm definitely thinking, belieiving and living outside the box when compared to the rest of my family.

Anyway, on Monday morning, after the San Francisco Half Marathon and no, I didn't win and before heading home to Southern California, Megan and I had what turned out to be a two-hour breakfast. We shared family stories and life experiences. It was sorta like a group therapy session for two.

I left thinking I have either just scared the poor girl away, in which case, my nephew will never speak to me again, or I've endeared her to my nephew, or I've been put in the crazy uncle category to be dealt with only at weddings, funerals, and the occasional Christmas.

In the end, ala Sally Field, she likes me, she really likes me, and my nephew still speaks to me. He's now living in the Bay Area, and I've spent New Year's with them. I'm sure, in some eyes, I'm a bit of a study, but you know what, that's okay with me. I'd much rather be talked about than not at all; at least then, I'm on the minds of the people I love and, really, is that such a bad thing?

Whether I've had sex in public or done fun, crazy Christmas cards, I've always tried to be true to myself and in doing so, I hope I've been able to inspire others to do the same. I truly believe taking care of ourselves, no matter how odd or strange it may appear to others, is mandatory because taking care of ourselves and loving ourselves first, is the path to loving and caring for others.

For now, enough said, get busy and start workin' on scoring some weed from the Pope.